Epic Spoon

Paul Zero

I initially wrote that one of Fable II’s (website) core flaws was that it only allowed one character per profile.  The good news is: that turns out not to be true.  When I finished Achievement-hunting with my first character, I made a new one to go for another end-game Achievement.  The first time I re-loaded the game, I found that the main menu’s “Continue” button brings up a character select.  But it’s not a great one.

The character select menu shows a set of cards in the same style as the fortune cards used in parts of the game plot.  Fable II is not the sort of game where you give your character a name, so they don’t have a name to show beneath the card.  But you purchase titles for your character (e.g. “Chicken Chaser”, “Lion Heart”).  I don’t think it would be unreasonable to show those.  They could even take a screenshot of your character, who is certainly unique enough to tell apart from your other characters.  But they don’t.

What the character select shows is part of a picture of the quest you’re on, with the subtext “Hero 1” (or 2, or 3, based on the order you created them in), the location of the character (e.g. “Bowerstone Old Town”) and a hint at the quest you’re on.  No character title, no picture.

It’s worth mentioning that the character select does not appear – not even a hint – until you have two characters.  I figured “ok, RTFM, I get it.”  But then I read the manual.  It’s not in there.  This is a completely undocumented feature.  I call bullshit on that.  I’d have made another character sooner if I knew.  In fact, now I have three.

Ok, so that’s the good news.  The bad news is about as big as spoilers get, though, so read on with caution.

[spoiler]

Fable II has the most anti-climactic, dumbest final stage and boss fight ever.  There, I said it.

If it were just a bad final boss, that would be one thing.  But it’s not.  The penultimate level of the game, as your character is dying, is a near-death experience where you’re a child again.  The visuals are intense, with surreal colors and bright lights.  But there are a trio of quests: kill some beetles, kick some chickens, and shoot a bunch of bottles.  It’s not fun.  You don’t have your abilities.  It’s a waste of half an hour.

From there, you run to the end of the game without a single incident.  You strip Lucien of his power without a fight, and you kill him with a single shot.  Final boss over.  That’s it.  And worse, it sets up for three or four expansions (or worse, sequels) in the way each other Hero leaves.

The game keeps going there.  There are new quests and you can continue to build your character.  But the boss fight bad.

I guess it won’t stop me from playing the game.  Hell, I think it was probably worth the $59.99 it cost me.  But I’m on the fence about buying any downloadable content they might offer after the complaints I have about this game.  They’d have to have something spectacular before I’d shell out any more money for this.

[/spoiler]